Loss and Hate
by Fanwriterf
Summary: {The Old Republic: Shadow of Revan}Takes place before Revan goes to the Foundry.


**This is what I feel like what would have happened sometime before Revan goes to the Foundry . Enjoy.**

* * *

He was free, finally after all this time he was free. Revan chuckled to himself a little, for so long it seemed as if freedom was nothing more than a hope filled word. Revan looked up at the blue sky; it was so blue, so clear. 300 years and he had forgotten what the sky had looked like; he had forgotten how beautiful it was.

Revan looked down at his feet to see the grass crushed beneath his metal boots. The prodigal Jedi sat down on the bench. He wasn't sure why he wanted to come here. Out of all the planets he could go to he chose Dantooine, of all the places there he went to the Jedi academy. He had been here numerous times long ago.

His formal apprentice Darth Malak had laid waste to this place. It was nice to see it was still standing. It looked almost just like it once did, new material was used to make it last longer and more updated technology surrounded the academy. Revan gasped when his bare feet landed on soft grass. He looked down and stared at his feet, he wiggled his toes feeling the blades of grass moving in between each toe. Something so small as stepping on grass bare foot to him was once something he had taken for granted. Feeling the grass on his toes, the wind in his hair made him swore to never take something so small for granted ever again.

Revan heard the distant sound of younglings talking and others training. He turned his head towards them, each one seemed to be doing some task, not one was taking the moment to just breath in the fresh air and enjoy being outside basking in the suns warmth. Revan frowned a little.

 _'They have no idea just how lucky they are to enjoy this. Where I was held, there was no warmth. It was always so cold...I had no idea when it was day or night, no idea what the weather was like...hmm, next time it rains I'll have to remember to stand out in it and feel the water on my skin, then again I could always take a shower...But that wouldn't be the same as just standing in the rain.'  
_  
Revan turned his gaze away from the younglings and back to his toes.

 _'Why was it I came here...I can do what I'm trying to do on any planet...Why this one?'_ Revan shrugged his shoulders and reached over to grab his boots and noticed a small human child standing next to the bench, the boy looked around the age of six. Where did he come from? How did Revan not sense this child's presence? This young boy is strong in the force, so how did he not sense him? Was he so distracted that he didn't notice?

"Oh...Hello." He said to the child. The boy turned his head slightly to the side and moved closer to Revan. Revan's reflexes made him lean away from the child a bit; it wasn't that he was frightened by the boy. But what he went through caused him to be more cautious. The child sat on the bench and reaches out his hand and touched Revan's cheek.

"What happened?" He asked talking about the scars on his face; Revan placed his hand over the child's hand. His naturally engulfing the boys.

"It's not nice to point." He replied, the child frowned.

"Sorry." He said. Revan heard the sincerity in his tone and released his hand.

"It's alright...Where is your master?" Revan asked, the child sat down next to Revan, his legs dangling off the edge of the seat.

"I don't have one...Masters say I'm not old enough." Revan raised a brow.

"Not old enough? When I was your age I had a master, it was custom for younglings to have a master as soon as they could speak...Much has changed." Revan said and frowned at the end, he instinctively reached for his neck and grasped a small black sphere attached to a leather string . He held onto it for dear life for a few seconds before remembering the child next to him. Revan removed his hand and looked to the kid.

"What is your name?" The child asked while his head was tilted.

"I'm Revan...What is your name little one?"

"I'm Cale...It's nice to meet you master Revan." Cale said and bowed his head. Revan chuckled to himself.

"I'm not a master Cale...I'm just..." what was he? He was never accepted as a Jedi but never accepted as a Sith either, he was just always...Revan.

"I'm just a man who knows how to use the force." He said, Revan suddenly felt his foot sting. He looked down to find an ant had bit him. Revan leaned down and swatted it away, he then reached over and grabbed his boots and began to put them on.

"If you don't mind me asking...Why are you sitting out here by yourself?" Cale asked nervously. Revan didn't look at the child when he asked. He paused for a moment but continued to fasten the straps to his boots.

"Because there is something that I have to do...I'm...I'm just trying to get myself ready for what it is." He said and could feel a shiver run up his spine. It wasn't fear...it was anticipation for the pain he was going to feel, but he had to do it no matter what...Maybe he did fear what was to come. Revan pushed the thought out of his mind, he didn't have to do it now after all...he could wait however long he wanted to.

 _'Tonight...I'll do it tonight.'_ He thought and suddenly he felt his heart slow down and a sense of calmness spread through his body.

"I must speak with one of the masters here...I wish to stay a while." He said. Cale looked up at Revan and smiled.

"I know where Master Talisman is at this time of the day, come I'll show you!" The child said and stood up and grabbed one of Revan's large hands and tried to drag him along. Revan slightly smiled.

 _'I wonder what he was like? Was he like you little one? Was he full of energy and questions? I wish I could know...I will never know what it felt like...Vaner.'_ Raven pushed the thought away and stood up and proceeds to follow Cale.

* * *

Revan looked at the small room that was his for however long he wanted it. Cale had showed him to Master Talisman who allowed Revan to stay as long as he wants .Revan looked around the room, it was a four wall room. The bed laid next to the back wall, a computer system to the left side, and a door to the right which leads to a bathroom. In the middle of the room on the floor was a grey carpet used for meditation.

Revan moved to the bed and sat down on it. He brought his hands up to his face and brushed his hair back. He then brought his hands down to his chin and rubbed the stubble that was there. The sound of feet stepping on carpet alerted Revan that someone was there. He looked up to find Cale standing in front of him.

"Why do you look sad?" He asked. Revan inhaled deeply before responding.

"I'm not sad." He calmly said, Cale crossed his arms over his chest.

"You look sad...What's wrong?" He asked, Revan shook his head.

"I'm...I just...I miss some people I cared for." Revan said as he leaned down a little. Cale turned his head to the side again.

"Why don't you go see them? Do you not know where they are? Revan felt his lip quiver a little and tears threatening to pour out.

"No..." His voice broke "I...It's not that I don't know where they are...I can't see them anymore is the problem." He said and quickly took a deep breath.

"Why can't you see them?" Cale asked. Revan closed his eyes as a lone tear fell down his cheek. Suddenly he felt a small pare of arms wrap around his waist. Revan opened his teary eyes and looked down to see Cale hugging him.

"Don't worry master Revan...I'll do whatever it takes to help you see them again." He said and pressed his face against Revan's chest harder. Revan sniffled and sighed.

"Your efforts would be in vain...the people I care for...Are dead...they died a long, long time ago." He spoke softly and placed his arms around Cale and hugged him back.

 _'So this is what it's like to hold a child? Vaner...He never got to be held by me...I never got to hold him...Not once.'_ Tears started to fall down his face and he removed one of his arms and whipped his eyes.

"Life is cruel Cale...Remember that...One moment you can be the happiest man alive and then the next thing you know, it's all gone...Forever." Revan pulled the boy away and stood up.

"Are you okay master Revan?" Cale asked, Revan was about to walk out of the room. He didn't look at Cale when he answered.

"No Cale...I am not okay...I'm...I'm...I'm sad." He said, this was only a child. He wouldn't really understand what was going on. "I'm sad to know that...The two people I love more than anything are gone...They are gone and...I'm still here...Life is cruel." He said and walked out of the room.

* * *

Revan had made his way out of the academy and stood on a hill. He watched as the sun fell causing the blue sky to turn orange.  
 _  
'Why did we come here to do this? I know why...It was here I trained with her...It was here I married her.'_ He thought, suddenly his chest began to tighten. Revan gasped at the pain of his heart breaking for the thousand time, each time getting worse and worse. Images of his wedding began to flood his mind, she was wearing a beautiful white Jedi ceremonial robe just as he was. She looked so beautiful, a deep and passionate love could be seen in her eyes. Eyes that he would never see again.

Revan choked on a sob and nearly fell to his knees knowing he wouldn't see his wife ever again, never see her eyes, her smile, hear her laugh, hear her voice...He would never hear her say "I love you Revan."

Revan wiped his eyes and looked back at the sky, the sun had nearly been hidden by the mountains. Bastila use to love watching the sunset. He never thought on it and foolishly never joined her, more than enough chances were given but he never took them. How he would give anything to just spend one sunset with her...Just one. Revan lowered his head and grabbed the black sphere again.

"It's time..." He spoke and walked away back towards the academy.

* * *

Revan made his way back into his room and sealed the door behind him. He turned towards the computer and sat down in the chair. He grabbed the black sphere and pulled it off the leather string attached to his neck. He placed his fingers on it and twisted it open. Inside laid a data chip. Revan took it and inserted it into the computer. Moments later a picture appeared. Again his heart broke at what he saw. Bastila holding their four year old son Vaner. Unable to hold them back anymore tear after tear fell down his cheek and created a puddle on the desk.

Revan forced himself to look at the picture. Bastila was smiling widely and looking straight ahead as Vaner looked to the side. Revan's whole body began to shake as his sobs increased. Every fiber in his being forced him to cry out loud. He was alone...His wife and child were gone. Vaner never got to see his father. Revan never got to hear his son call his name, never got to kiss his son goodnight. If someone was to kill him now, he would have thanked them.

"I'm so sorry." He cried and lowered his head into his hands, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there Bastila...You and Vaner needed me and I wasn't there for you, I wasn't there for him...I'm so sorry!"

Revan looked up back at the pic, his sight blurry with tears. He rubbed his eyes and looked back at the pic. in a foolish attempt to try to wake from this hellish nightmare he closed his eyes and searched deep for the powerful force-bond that he and Bastila shared. With this bond he was able to read her mind, feel her emotions. Every time he searched for it he felt her as if she was next to him, he could feel her love for him, and he could feel the warmth...Her warmth.

But now there was nothing. Only a dark cold abyss where love once was. An empty void where his heart was. Her final breath cut the bond forever. She was gone, and gone forever.

"Bastila...Please...I need to feel you...Please...Why can't this be a nightmare? Why can't this be all a bad dream? Why can't I wake up and find you lying next to me? Why Bastila?" He cried. And placed his head in his arms and cried and cried until no more tears came...deep down within himself...something broke.

Revan looked up back at the picture, an angry scowl took over, and he tightened his hands into a fist as tight as he could.

"Why? Because life is cruel...My life was stolen! My family taken from me!" He shouted and stood up, a deep hatred began to rise for the one responsible. "I swore I would be the one to kill you!" He said as images of a man dressed in black came into his mind. "300 years you tortured my body and mind! 300 years you kept me from my family! Forcing me to live while they grew old and died! I could feel the moment Bastila passed...I could feel it through our bond...Right before the bond broke forever." Revan began to squeeze his mouth shut, so tight that his teeth chipped.

"You may be dead...But do not think that I will not avenge the life you stole! I do not care how long it takes! I do not care what happens! I refuse to die...Not until I plunge my blade into your revived heart and watch the light go out In your eyes. No one will stop me from this...it wasn't just my life you stole...But my family's life with me...I will kill you."

Revan snarled and pulled the data chip out of the computer chip causing the image of Bastila and Vaner to disappear. Revan placed it back inside the black sphere and reattached it to his neck. Revan stood from the chair and walked out of the room. A plan began to bloom in his mind, a brilliant plan. One that wouldn't just give him vengeance...But would also save the galaxy from the Sith.

Revan smiled at the thought of his hands wrapped around the Sith emperor's throat squeezing the life out of him. As he thought of this, a dark chuckle escaped from his mouth.

* * *

 **Well I hoped you liked it, I was disappointed that Shadow of Revan didn't show Revan talking about Bastila or their son so I made this.**


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